“I Grow Up To Be A Streiht Up Menace, G’yeah…”

I know exactly what you’re thinkin’ right now.

“Who’s this, Drake‘s little brother? I don’t think I’ve ever heard of whoever this is.”

Oh… you’ve heard of him. Don’t think so?

How ’bout now?

That’s right, good people: if you’ve ever wondered what the lil’ kid who played as Anthony in Menace II Society is up to these days, here you have it. His name was Julian Roy Doster, but now, his name is Menace (clever, eh?) and guess what… he’s an aspiring rapper. Sigh.

Unfortunately, he only has one song on his MySpace page. On top of that, it sounds like a mix of J-Kwon‘s “Tipsy” and the Ying Yang Twins‘ “Whisper Song” (but that’s to be expected- they were movin’ to Atlanta, right?). I think what the young Menace needs is a lil’ artistic direction. He’s halfway there with the name, so he might as well go all the way in and take on the entire character. Excuse me as I do a lil’ armchair A&R for this kid’s album- a concept album, if you will…

“Guess Who’s Back?”: The re-introduction to lil’ Anthony, now 22 years old and takin’ the harsh realities from the street to the studio, with his aggressive content.

“Big Wheels”: It’s been a long time since his brand-new Big Wheel got shot the fukk up right along with Caine and Sharif. Nowadays, Young Menace is pushin’ some serious whippage… why not make a track about it?

“I’ll Whoop Your Ass!”: He ain’t a kid anymore, so he can say it all he wants now.

“Mama”: The tear-jerker of the album, dedicated to Ronnie‘s fine ass. Anthony shows love to the woman who read books to him, threatened to break his tail if she ever caught him with a gun, and gave him juice instead of beer when he was thirsty. Speaking of which…

“I’m Thirsty, Can I Have Some Beer?”: The ULTIMATE bottle-poppin’ anthem for 2010. Everybody’s talkin’ about how they got the Patron and the Jose and all that bullshit… but Anthony can change the game all over again by bringing back the 40 oz.

“Pow, Punk Ass!” (feat. MC Eiht): Here, Anthony could brag about the time Caine showed him how to shoot when he was 5. Now all grown up, he’s in these streets big wheelin’ and cap-peelin’. Eiht (a.k.a. A-Wax) intros the track with the eternally classic ad-lib, “wake yo’ punk ass up!”

“Fatherless Child”: Tear-jerker #2, as Anthony reminisces on growing up without someone to show him the way. First, Pernell got life, then Caine got death. Could be the “Papa Was A Rollin’ Stone” for the new generation.

“Ileana’s Cousin”: The album comes to a climactic end, as Menace exacts revenge on the man who killed his father figure. What’s up now, pot’na?!

BOOM. Add in a couple filler songs, use one of those pictures from the movie as the album cover on some Illmatic-type shit, and there it is. Now I’m off to find Ross Bagley a.k.a. Little Nicky from The Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air. Have I got an idea for him: a Will Smith dis track called “I HATE YOU WILL!”.

-D! (shoutout to the homiechick Jia)